Where I Come From: Top 10 Ways To Pass the Offseason Until Tip Off

This post is sponsored by EA Sports NCAA Football 2011.

As you may have seen around the (SB) Nation, EA Sports has asked a series of college bloggers (yes, basketball can participate as well) to take part in a series of posts sponsored by the upcoming release of: EA Sports NCAA Football 2011. The game will be released tomorrow and is always a must pick-up for the sports obsessed gamer.

Since we're still about 3.5 months away from the Pirate's first exhibition game, tonight we're going to look at the Top 10 ways to pass the offseason until tip-off.  Let's get to it. 

10.  Watch MLB's All Star-Weekend. 

Home-Run Derby and the All Star Game.  Tonight's Home-Run Derby was more painful than usual to watch and pay attention to.  I think the first two entrants had a combined 2 home runs in the first round.  Why the best power hitters in the game don't enter the competition is anyone's guess.  Kind of like how Lebron, Kobe and DWade refuse to enter the dunk contest.  These events are for the fans, why the elite players in their respective sports are seemingly unaware to this, I can't answer.  

Furthermore, it's time for an All Star Game/skills competition at the collegiate level.  I'm not talking about the junk they hold at the end of the year with countless reserves and non-impact players.  I guess there is no common grace period where every D1 school is off at the same time, but that is no excuse.  Take 3 days off and let the nation's elite meet and be recognized together on a national stage.  

9.  Watch Reality Television. 

The Bachelorette, Chad Johnson's Ultimate Catch and Lebronathon with Jim Grey.  I don't know anything about The Bachelorette, but I was flipping channels last night and caught Chad Johnson doing his best Flava Flav dating show impersonation.  After hearing him talk about a needing a classy woman to take to McDonalds, I decided my life would be more productive if I went to sleep.  Wait, when did he change his name back to Chad Johnson? So he's Ocho Cinco on the football field, but uses his birth name for reality television? Seems reversed.  

The Lebronathon was the lamest reality television show I ever watched.  Yet, I watched it.  As did you.  We all did.  We were taken.  So much for announcing in the first ten minutes.  We had to watch Michael Wilbon and his croanies debate... well, what everyone has been debating for the last three years.  And then Jim Grey transformed into Larry King sans the suspenders and began asking this idiot completely irrelevant questions.  "How many people know about your decision? Can you count them on one hand?" Really Jim? It would have been better if Lebron walked into the room and ripped off his t-shirt while unveiling a Heat jersey to the tune of, "Real American" blaring over the speakers.  Kanye West was in the house, he could have taken the mic from Jim Grey's hand during the interview and said, "Jim, I'm a let you finish, but let me say, Kobe Bryant just had the best season."  Instead, Lebron uttered, "I'm taking my talents to South Beach."  How Anti-Climatic, it couldn't have been more painful.  If I knew it was going to be that bad, I would have watched, "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami."  A repeat, that I have recorded on my DVR.  

8.  Change Your Blog's Name.  

Due to the events that transpired last season, GonzoBall.com will be changing it's name to SouthOrangeJuice.com. Yep, it's time for a more secure blog name.  You know, a name that doesn't reference a former head coach in the domain.  Win.  

7.  Read Books. 

There's little time during the season, so catch up on reading your romantic novels basketball books in the offseason. Recently, I've read: Coaching Basketball Successfully by Morgan Wooten, Basketball: Multiple Offense and Defense by Dean Smith and Waiter Rant by Steven Dublanica.  Highly recommend all three, although the third has nothing to do with basketball. 

6.  Watch the World Cup. 

I had no idea American's were so crazy about soccer.  I admit, I watched the USA games, and watched a few games on and off when nothing else was on, but soccer was actually somewhat popular for a month.  I mean the final game was absolutely horrendous to watch, but that's beside the point.  Back to Americans watching soccer.  I was surprised to learn that so many Americans were cheering for other countries. Seriously.  Cheering for another country.  Not countries they've come over here from, but cheering for countries for seemingly no reason. Countries they know nothing about, maybe they vacationed for a week there and had a good time. Maybe their ancestors came to AMERICA from said country years ago? It's no excuse, we're Americans, act like it.  

Follow the jump for my Top 5 ways to pass the offseason. 

5.  Watch Game Film From Last Season. 

It's come to that.  We've got a new coach and I need to learn his system.  Even though there's a possibility that Willard will scrap much of what he ran with the Gaels, the Iona tapes are on the way. 

4.  Watch the NBA Draft. 

Daniel Orton in the first round? Has any player ever been selected in the first round averaging less than 3PPG? Is Gordon Hayward athletic enough for the NBA? Stanley Robinson nearly undrafted? Hell, it's the offseason.  It's an event where we can sit around, drink beers and discuss how we believe March Madness directly affected a player's stock.  We can also debate how a player's talents might translate into the League.  

Next year, David Stern should announce the Heat's first round pick by simply stating, "And now, taking their talents to South Beach, the Miami Heat select..." Better yet, who needs David Stern when Lebron James would be willing to do it himself? Interesting idea, but keep in mind, Lebron is too big to do it from NY, instead, he'll be in some swimwear, with children playing hopscotch around the bow of his yacht.  Pat Riley and Lebron will be granted a 60 minute exception to select their pick.  David Stern will allow this because it's not about Lebron, it's for charity!

3.  Watch Jersey Shore 2

This blog is New Jersey centric, is it not? Watch it.  You already do.  You don't need to be told to watch it.  They're in Miami this year.  Maybe Pauly D is DJ'ing Lebron's four day bender currently underway in Miami.  Maybe 'Bron 'Bron will punch Snookie in the face this year.  If he wants to improve his reputation, he better consider it.  

2.  Go Shopping At the Short Hills Mall for Polo Ralph Lauren Man Purses.  

Select a $1400 satchel and purchase it.  Pretend it's not a man-purse.  Look for employment.  Bring said man-purse on the interview.  

1.  Play EA Sports NCAA Football 2011.  Out tomorrow.  

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